No Joke, Cern Discovers "Obama particle" Smashing Economies on Contact and in Contract

""In a stunning breakthrough that's sure to result in dozens of Nobel Prizes being awarded to somebody, scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collider have discovered the elusive "Obama particle" by slamming the U.S. economy into a brick wall at 99.999% of the speed of a derivatives flash crash.

The collision produced an elaborate pattern of joblessness and wealth destruction which was captured and mapped by CERN scientists to create a statistical detection model that pinpointed the elusive Obama particle's role in destroying everything it touches.

"We believe this Obama particle may be the fundamental destructive force behind anti-matter and dark matter all at once," said one scientist who asked not to be named. "It seems to be capable of destroying everything it encounters."

After their discovery, Obama particles were found buried under the government parliament building in Greece, where they are now believed to have contributed to the disappearance of Greek wealth into a parallel dimension. Obama particles have also been spotted at Goldman Sachs, IRS offices and even hiding in the ear canals of CNBC's stock picking jester Jim Cramer, who seems especially skilled at destroying wealth with a degree of consistency that defies sheer randomness.

The search for the Obama particle is based on the fundamental laws of the universe which state that as the velocity of money approaches the speed of a fast-talking White House spokesperson, that money gains mass and gets heavier, causing it to fall out of the bottom of the Large Hadron Collider where it is collected by unpaid "science interns" holding out empty EBT cards. After those EBT cards are "recharged" with heavy money isotopes, they are redistributed to Obama supporters who use them to buy Tide laundry detergent, Oreo cookies and street meth, all of which are now available at your local Wal-Mart. (For the meth, you have to visit the Wal-Mart restroom.)

The Federal Reserve is reportedly very excited to get its hands on the elusive Obama particle in order to accelerate its economic destruction initiatives. "Until now, we've had to destroy the economy the old fashioned way by printing money," said Janet Yellen. "Now, with the Obama particle, we can accomplish this without even trying!"

The most fascinating finding of the Obama particle, according to CERN scientists, is that at high enough energy levels, the particles coalesce to open a gateway to a dimension of evil-possessed demons, transporting them into our world to serve as California Senators""

http://www.naturalnews.com/049172_CERN_scientists_Large_Hadron_Collider_Obama_particle.html

CERN's LHC Reboots Research Into Raw Construct within Particles and Nature of the Quantum Mechanical Dark Matter Omniverse

""Physicists and engineers are running the final checks after a two-year upgrade that nearly doubled the muscle of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), which in 2012 unlocked the putative Higgs boson and, with it, a Nobel Prize.

Now it has its sights on finding exotic new particles in a previously-inaccessible realm that can sometimes resemble science fiction.""

""During its next run, researchers will look for evidence of “new physics”. They will probe ‘supersymmetry’ — a theoretical concept informally dubbed Susy, seek explanations for enigmatic dark matter, and look for signs of extra dimensions.

In late March, beams containing billions of protons travelling at 99.9 percent the speed of light will shoot through the collider’s 27-kilometre (17-mile) ring-shaped tunnel straddling the Franco-Swiss border.

By about the end of May or early June, the mighty machine should be calibrated and start its long-awaited proton collisions — brief but super-intense smashups recorded in four labs dotted around the ring.

Physicists scour the debris for clues of new, hopefully exotic, sub-atomic particles.

“The most important thing which we would like to find is a new type of particle which could help to explain what this mysterious dark matter is,” said Landua.

Ordinary, visible matter comprises only about four percent of the known Universe.

There is believed to be five to 10 times more dark matter, which together with equally mysterious dark energy accounts for 96 percent of the cosmos.""

Splitting a Universe:

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/searching-for-susy-large-hadron-collider-to-push-physics-frontier/

Milky Way Galaxy could be a Galactic Interstellar Transport System Through Space-time Einstein-Penrose Wormholes

 ""Based on the latest evidence and theories our galaxy could be a huge wormhole (or space-time tunnel, have you seen the movie "Interstellar?") and, if that were true, it would be "stable and navigable." This is the hypothesis put forward in a study published in Annals of Physics and conducted with the participation of SISSA in Trieste. The paper, the result of a collaboration between Indian, Italian and North American researchers, prompts scientists to re-think dark matter.

Related Articles

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• Dark matter
• General relativity
• Magellanic Clouds
• Physical cosmology
• Big Bang
• Milky Way

"If we combine the map of the dark matter in the Milky Way with the most recent Big Bang model to explain the universe and we hypothesize the existence of space-time tunnels, what we get is that our galaxy could really contain one of these tunnels, and that the tunnel could even be the size of the galaxy itself. But there's more," explains Paolo Salucci, astrophysicist of the International School for Advanced Studies (SISSA) of Trieste and a dark matter expert. "We could even travel through this tunnel, since, based on our calculations, it could be navigable. Just like the one we've all seen in the recent film 'Interstellar'." Salucci is among the authors of the paper recently published inAnnals of Physics.

Although space-time tunnels (or wormholes or Einstein-Penrose bridges) have only recently gained great popularity among the public thanks to Christopher Nolan's sci-fi film, they have been the focus of astrophysicists' attention for many years. "What we tried to do in our study was to solve the very equation that the astrophysicist 'Murph' was working on. Clearly we did it long before the film came out" jokes Salucci. "It is, in fact, an extremely interesting problem for dark matter studies.""

Full Article Found Here:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150121083648.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Fspace_time%2Fbig_bang+%28Big+Bang+News+--+ScienceDaily%29

Dark Matter Mystery Deepens: We Know Less About Dark Matter Than We Did Before," Asserts Lead Author Matt Walker, a Hubble Fellow at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center For Astrophysics.

"""Our measurements contradict a basic prediction about the structure of cold dark matter in dwarf galaxies. Unless or until theorists can modify that prediction, cold dark matter is inconsistent with our observational data," Walker stated.

Dwarf galaxies are composed of up to 99 percent dark matter and only one percent normal matter like stars. This disparity makes dwarf galaxies ideal targets for astronomers seeking to understand dark matter.

Walker and his co-author Jorge Peñarrubia (University of Cambridge, UK) analyzed the dark matter distribution in two Milky Way neighbors: the Fornax and Sculptor dwarf galaxies. These galaxies hold one million to 10 million stars, compared to about 400 billion in our galaxy. The team measured the locations, speeds and basic chemical compositions of 1500 to 2500 stars.

"Stars in a dwarf galaxy swarm like bees in a beehive instead of moving in nice, circular orbits like a spiral galaxy," explained Peñarrubia. "That makes it much more challenging to determine the distribution of dark matter."

Their data showed that in both cases, the dark matter is distributed uniformly over a relatively large region, several hundred light-years across. This contradicts the prediction that the density of dark matter should increase sharply toward the centers of these galaxies.

"If a dwarf galaxy were a peach, the standard cosmological model says we should find a dark matter 'pit' at the center. Instead, the first two dwarf galaxies we studied are like pitless peaches," said Peñarrubia.

Some have suggested that interactions between normal and dark matter could spread out the dark matter, but current simulations don't indicate that this happens in dwarf galaxies. The new measurements imply that either normal matter affects dark matter more than expected, or dark matter isn't "cold." The team hopes to determine which is true by studying more dwarf galaxies, particularly galaxies with an even higher percentage of dark matter.

The paper discussing this research was accepted for publication in The Astrophysical Journal and is available online.""

http://www.cfa.harvard.edu/news/2011/pr201129.html